Forest Monster Nº 2 – O Chupa-Cabras

Sorry for the monster occupy the almost entire image, but it's even enormous! xP

   What's it?

   A reptilian beast that has a pouch on its chin to suck its victim

   Where it can be found?

   West's newly planted groves of eucalypts

   Its alimentation:

   Goats... And also bitches and sons of a bitch! xxD

   There was a day when an important company in the forestry sector waved with over € 50000000 to invest in the national economy. Sometime after, the Government revoked the previous legislation that limiting the eucalypts plantations (from date of 1st half of the 20th century): before, new forest plantations that had completed continuous areas with more than 50 ha were subject to prior authorization from the forest authority, and below it, were subject to approval of municipalities, under a decree-law on amendments in the relief and vegetal coverage, and that these plantations could not be at x m of infrastructures and farmlands, depending on the type of infrastructure and of practiced agriculture, respectively; now, under the law, the planting of new forests or replanting of degraded, cut or burned areas is subject to an authorization when the occupied area exceeds 2 ha, and below this limit, just only a prior notification, and that the distance of these plantations to infrastructures and farmlands can be much smaller – in short, eucalypt is currently regarded as a normal forest specie. There are even amazing coincidences, there aren't?! >:P

   Ever since, almost all forest plantations and replantations have been eucalypts, and West (region famous by Rocha Pear, a internationally celebre variety of pear, which is pretty toothsome, and I recommend to eat; but attention to your teeth, because this variety of pear to do name justice* [lol]!) is far from being the exception, moreover, is there that are the my most reliable reports of what is being done with the new legislation on eucalypts plantations: pine forests are cut in advance to be planted groves of eucalypts after (you have to understand: today is safer and more profitable for forest owners bet on eucalypt than in maritime pine [Pinus pinaster], because: 1) the maritime pine forests are being violently buffeted by wildfires and forest pests, among which stand pine wood nematode [Bursaphelenchus xylophilus] and pine processionary [Thaumetopoea pityocampa], and 2) the eucalypt cutting age is 10 years, while the maritime pine cutting age is 40 years – and so much bad things can happen to a maritime pine forest in 4 decades, to the consternation of forest owners!), are being made a great soil mobilizing, contractors are as sniffer dogs in search of groves of eucalypts for their owners to sell the eucalypts to be cut (the most incredible thing about this is that there have been offers for eucalypts with... 5-year-old! Seriously!), areas that once were mosaics of pasture zones, vines, groves of eucalypts and pine forests are now continuous groves of eucalypts, etc. :\

   Attention, no one here is demonizing eucalypt! As a matter of fact, this tree type gives us many useful things for our day-to-day: pulpwood to make paper pulp, oil to make pharmaceutical, antiseptic, repellent, flavouring, fragrance and industrial products, nectar (of some species of eucalypts) to produce high-quality monofloral honey, wood to make naval means of transport and didgeridoos (a traditional Australian musical instrument [come on, the musical art, whatever it is, is important, nor if only to relax!]), among other things. The problem in this case is be being made a massive «eucalyptization», and the nefarious consequences thereof are already visible in the West: the great soil mobilizing, often on steep slopes, is resulting in a large soil erosion, the continuous groves of eucalypts have very little biodiversity, they mischaracterize the natural landscape (landscape more monotonous), the nearby water reservoirs suffer a water loss, etc... However, the height of hassle of many locals are in the form of a sinister creature that lurks in the newly installed controversial plantations... >:P

   It's O Chupa-Cabras. It have serpentine body with 2 dam in length (I told you it was enormous!), crocodile head, bright green bottom of the body, light brown top of the body to blend with the leaf litter of the woods, yellow green eyes the size of small plates, a single row of dark green dorsal scales from the tail tip to almost to the top of the head, a pouch in the mouth as pelicans have in the beak, big red tongue and white (with a little gray) rectangular teeth. It appeared in the West, who knows from where, when the eucalypts began to be planted massively there. Ever since, it spends almost every day resting in a more secluded part and with more thicker leaf litter of grove of eucalypts, moving away thereout to hunt when hungry. >:)

   The goat livestock farmers of the region don't like it because it attacks goats, its favorite food! As if not enough goats have less and less pasture to feed (they even have good mouth, but, apparently, they think the eucalypt leaves indigestible), now they have a ruthless predator that don't kill them, but grinds them... Or better, sucks them! A few times it picks up a goat that walk distractedly by grove of eucalypts, but most of the times it goes and meets its preys. This unusual creature moves closer to a pasture zone where is a herd of goats; arrived there, it's camouflaged in the leaf litter of grove of eucalypts through the color of the top part of its body, waiting for the opportune moment to attack – it's very patient, can wait hours and hours. Once that moment comes (examples: when a goat passes by distractedly near it, or has his back), it creeps fast (believe me, it's very fast!) to catch its victim! It grabs it with tongue, collect it for mouth with help of teeth and put it in its pouch (which can contain up to an adult human). And then, it sucks it like a menthol candy, without swallowing it (its digestive tract is too narrow to pass solid food), for 20 to 30 min! Even seriously! No use for victim try to leave the torture of suck, because the inside of the pounch is resistant to anything. In the end, it spits it as the core of an olive, and he goes to his retreat with hunger sated, leaving the unfortunate victim alive, but covered in drool (lol!)... and almost always with sequels for the rest of life: the sucked goats get very nervous and jumpy, they stop producing milk, their meat is inedible and their leather is impossible to be worked for the clothing confection – a huge loss to the goat farmers, who do not know what to do to stop this diabolical creature! The only way to avoid its predation is to close at night the goats in a stable or barn, but unfortunately not all farmers, because they can not, or stubbornness (some farmers think a challenge to brake O Chupa-Cabras, nor that lose all the goats!), not can do it, always having to leave the goats at mercy; traps have been made to catch it, but it's very clever and avoided them all; no use attack it, not even with lead – its skin is tough like armor, and nothing makes dint in it (its only weak points are eyes and the inside of the mouth, but these are well sealed while he feeds). Finally, it seems, unless the continuous groves of eucalypts are withdrawn, only when all West goats are treated as chewing gum by this unstoppable creature (it only attacks a victim once, it seems that it doesn't like the taste of life forms that he soaked up [lol]!) is that it will go away to other places in search of new goats to feed! >:P

O Chupa-Cabras can be here hidden, about catch its victim... >B|

   But not all bad news! Do you think it only feeds on goats? You are wrong! It also sucks bitches and sons of a bitch! And woe unto people who are bad news who have the folly, deliberate or not, to go through a place where is this argus-eyed creature, if it's hungry – they are sucked ruthlessly, such as goats! It's unbelievable and inexplicable, but it gets to know if a person is mean or not! And look who were not a few people who have had the «privilege» of be in the mouth of this gluttonous creature! Such as goats, the sucked people are forever traumatized (besides of covered in drool [lol!]): they are madly grounded, and many flee so far away from the region, with the idea of never to return there! Many people of bad character, who has been attacked or has not yet been attacked, is closed for days indoors (already happened this intrepid creature was attacking inside houses whose doors were open [he is capable of detecting a bastard very afar]!), but, as they say here «who has ass has fear», only bitches and sons of a bitch are walking restless, the people of good character can be tranquil – and look who this people know it very well! A positive curiosity: crime in the West declined since this cool creature has taken up residence there! As you see, O Chupa-Cabras is also a very useful creature to society (a little off-topic: I believe, although they, in one way or another, can put us I believe, although they, in one way or another, put us in trouble, all Forest Monsters have some benefit for us humans, if only to tell us that something is wrong – we still have to understand them...)! >;-D

   I know I can be being blasphemous, but I, partly, wish that is made the «eucalyptization»... Or better, a «eucalyptization» from West to Parliament and to headquarter of such forestry company mentioned in the first paragraph (whose prime raw material for the production of pulp, fine printing and writing paper [its industrial activity] is... Eucalypt! Have you seen?! More a amazing coincidence!!) – thus, there would be a eucalypts corridor for O Chupa-Cabras to go to those 2 places, where it will find food in abundance ... and are not goats (lol)! >B-P

   Tips and precautions:

   No need to be afraid: despite its monstrous aspect, O Chupa-Cabras is a harmless, peaceful and quiet Forest Monster. You can approach it, and photograph it, without problem... Unless you have the smell of a goat, you have something worn goat skin that has never been attacked by it, or you are bitches/sons of a bitch who never were inside its mouth – then, you prepare to be sucked like a lollipop and then be thrown away as chewing tobacco (lol)! 3:)

* Out of curiosity: the Rocha Pear is so named because «Rocha» is the surname of owner of 1st pear tree of that variety, obtained by casual seed in the 1st half of the 19th century; but «Rocha» is also «Rock» in Portuguese! xP

Forest Monster Nº 1 – Lampredator

 

«Come on, let me suck your blood in your ear! It's just a little, it costs nothing!» XP

   What's it?

   A mutant lamprey that hides in dense vegetation to attack the ear of its victims

   Where it can be found?

   Tapada's «jungle»

   Its alimentation:

   Blood of mammals with visible ears (including [and rather] humans!)

   Tapada is a urban forest there in the capital, belonging to a public faculty. There are several species of trees, such species arising from a bit of worldwide: ginkgo trees of China, cork oaks of Ocidental Mediterranean regions, eucalypts of Ocidental Pacific rim countries, etc; therefore, in addition to be an international green lung to the capital, is also a site of scientific interest and live Nature study. However, for most of the students of faculty where it situates Tapada, the place has a utility less botany and more sexological: is a motel for free and outdoor, whose dense vegetation is a natural bedroom where couples of students, very valentine and lover, are dedicated to worldly pleasures in the moonlight (but if the night sky is covered, even better – so, they are better hidden)! xxD

   Or better... Was! Since the a good time out here that sweethearts in love left to get exercise lying down and moaning (lol!) in the ground covered with vegetable (dead or alive) matter of Tapada; moreover, now anyone walking in Tapada to night, away from any building or tar road, does it by at one's own risk ... From having the blood sucked of an ear! :\

   Why? Because a monster patrols Tapada at night, hiding in the shadows of the plants of there, in search of an unwary victim. It is a monster like a lamprey, which has about 11 dm of height, brown-gray overall tone, gray side fins, disheveled scales, blue eyes with a covert look of pity, oval mouth with thick lips the same color of blood that it sucks, 8 sharp yellow teeth and a toothed tongue. Its name? Lampredator. >:)

   There are several versions about the origin of this tenebrous creature. One version says that it was a normal lamprey until the day that the freshwater course where she lived was contaminated by a chemical spill, modifying it in a monstrous being. Another version says that it was a lamprey that was captured alive in a river and brought to a laboratory for a crackpot scientists, where he was subjected to scientific experiments that made it more intelligent and more tough out of water, but also more animalistic; one day, unawares of scientists, it fled the laboratory, and these scientists were silent that neither mice on the subject, otherwise they could afford the responsibilities for animal damage they have created! There is also a version that says it was a lamprey that was about to be served in a famous restaurant in Tapada, but which has been revived by a ray that entered the restaurant, which he left, to the astonishment and horror of who was there! And some say that saw it get out of a spaceship (lol)! :P

Pond where Lampredator rests during the day

   During the day, Lampredator is resting on the bottom of a very dirty pond in Tapada. Yes, deep down this pond too deep. The little house by the pond serves as a storage room for some objects it has. The faculty guys usually does not bother its resting due to the (obvious [lol]!) fear that this people have of it; but this fear is lost in Freshman Week, specifically in the Treasure Hunt (believe me: I think it should be called the Binge Drinking Hunt [lol]!), wherein one of praxes (the praxe is an academic madness that serves veterans studants to behave like Huns ... Ehm, integrate freshmen in university through hierarchical behavior [supposedly!]) consists in to immerse freshmen, in groups, within that pond – don't worry: the intention is to cool the freshmen of heats that drinking alcohol gives, not drown them (though not rarely gets out of pond 1 or 2 freshmen less than when they enter, and some time later appears one corpse in an advanced state of decomposition there! And after the culprit is Lampredator, which is not true!) –; in that fatidic week, the beast moves to an unspecified location, returning when the week ends. B|

   But then, when night falls, it wakes up from his sleep and leaves the pond looking for blood, hot blood. It hops by the Tapada, now at one the tip of his caudal fin, now at the other tip, but quietly, waiting for his prey behind/inside a bush or a tree, or on top of a tree (yes, it can climb trees, because has suction cups in its side fins that allow this). And woe unto those who have the misfortune to cross with this bloodthirsty creature! If it sees you, it jumps from where was hidden to attack you; of course you can try to escape, but she will persecute you, nor that it persecutes you by all over Tapada for hours. But the worst is not the persecution itself – it has the same speed as a normal human to run –... The worst is that it picks on the head of his victim of unbearable way! It's unbelievable, but Lampredator speaks (and it seems that it isn't the only Forest Monster that can use human speech)! And it's always talking, always talking... That it did not want to do any harm, that it's starving, that it just wants a little blood, that the process of «collection of blood» is quick and painless, etc... Without ever stopping talking, always prattling that nor parrot, and with a annoyingly shrill voice! Until, finally, the chased guy, with their ears full of so much blah-blah-blah (or is he/she falls for something of quick and painless «collection of blood»?), relents and, so to speak, shares their blood with stalker of him/her (almost always it convinces the victim). So, with the permission of the victim and opportunity in sight, it not takes half-measures: it jumps to the head of the unfortunate, sunks teeth in him/her ear – its oval mouth serves to better bite the ears of mammals – and begins to suck his/her blood with the help of tongue! Let it suck our blood is a mistake that has a high probability to be fatal: their bite hurts more than the sting of a wasp, and if we try to remove her mouth in our ear, our pain increases, making it almost impossible (if not impossible!) to escape; in a adult human, it sucks between 40 to 80% of the total blood; most victims faints before of the «privilege» terminate, from loss of blood, or pish and/or panic! After the sucking, it leaves all glad of life, skipping around of Tapada to digest a little of its sucked blood before going back to his lair at dawn, leaving its victim stunned (rarely happens)/unconscious... Or even without life! :x

   I know Lampredator is a dangerous creature (as well as any Forest Monster worth its salt!), and that it was not free to roam in a public space. But while people responsible for maintaining Tapada don't resolve to move a finger to clear the «jungle» (or better, jungle, without quotes!) that growing lawlessly without knowing a string trimmer and/or other machine which can ruin the increasingly dense vegetation – a day nor with a bowie-knife can get there! –, among other actions of aesthetic and environmental improvement of Tapada (example: clean the pond where the disgusting creature sleeps a nap during the day), it will continue its night journeys by beautiful, but battered urban forest in search of blood of mammals to ingest (for example, only the Garranos of Tapada have been attacked more than 100 times, and died 2 horses!)... Unless the «barber» (a euphemism for «wildfire»!) go through that jungle and make such cleaning...! >:\

   Tips and precautions:

   First of all, Lampredator is to be sought at night as it is a nocturnal Forest Monster – obvious, right (lol!)? You must have a bowie-knife to walk by Tapada (remember, you will go through very dense vegetation zones, where she probably hides) and a flash, if you want to photograph it – but do not use a flash too intense, because it can scare it (although it may be useful if you start to be troubles!). You pay attention to the treetops in which you pass beneath, because it can falls on you. You carry and use tampons or wax in the ears, because, without this, it's almost impossible you don't allow bitting your ears due to a torturer talk. If you are tired of watching it (hum ... Something tells me you're not gonna be long past her without running away scared [lol]!) and it intends to attack you, I recommend that you use a crucifix , a stake, garlic, a mirror and seeds ... If this results? Don't ask me, is a guess that I give: If it results with vampires, can result with it (or not)! XP

Forest Monsters – The most frightful creatures of the forest are introduced here (by Prof. Luchshiy Smeagol [«SMEAGOL?!? SME... STAB!!!»]... Oops, sorry!... Luchshiy Smeagov)

You don't call me Smeagol! My surname is Smeagov! >:P

   Hi, present and futures forest workers, with or without university degree, or simply curious by the forest (well, from now on, is better I call you of forest people)! Is everything cool? Yes? Great, that's what it takes! >B-D

   Welcome at Forest Monsters, the blog that makes known to you monsters that haunt certain areas, and also serves as a guide to observation of these beasts! ;D

   And now, is opening for you a magical and fabulous world – the forest! Ah, the forest! Yes, the forest! It's a place full of riches: oxygen we breathe, carbon sequestration to not stifle, rainwater that is intercepted by the vegetation to, then, evapotranspirate or infiltrate in the soil (thus continuing the water cycle), wild beauties to admire and preserve, hunting pieces, cork, honey, mushrooms (not poisonous, naturally [unless you want kick the bucket, have a new liver or contact with beings from other dimensions – you understand]!), wood (TIMBER!), strawberry tree berries (hum... An Aguardente de Medronhos now would be nice, one of those very strong!)... Riches, a panoply of riches of formidable treasure that is the forest!! But the forest, and their treatment, not always is a bed of roses: wildfires, garbage in the woods, furtive hunting, harmful fungi for the trees, forest pests, invasive plant species... Ah – but my big head, as I almost forgot them?! – and also Forest Monsters!! B|

   Huh?! What I'm here gabbling, you ask? And who am I? You don't know me? O.o

   Oh, excuse me, I didn't noticed it yet! Well, I'll introduce myself right now! ;-P

   My name is Luchshiy Smeagov. Nice to meet you, and you are called...... What?! >:O

   I heard right? Did you said Smeagol? Did you called me Smeagol?! SMEAGOL?!? SME... STAB!!! I HATE when people call me Smeagol!! I get seriously furious when I'm call that! Hence, please, do call me Smeagov, which is my correct surname, and not Smeagol, understood? >:(

   Well, where were we? Ah! I came from Russia, where I graduated in Physics at the Lomonosov Moscow State University, and I was a Physics teacher for engineering students there. But I was sick of putting up with drunk students and the «healthy and delicious» food of canteen! So, I decided change of life: I resigned my job, I packed my things, and I got out from Russia to go in search of a new life. After many adventures and adventures (and also misadventures [lol]!), I arrived in this «Garden Planted at the Seaside»: a not very big, but magnificent place with multiple types of vegetal/arboreal coverage... And also where people which don't know of anywhere smile each other and comment any subject (however banal it is) just like that (especially the elder staff) – ok, I confess that at first I considered this behavior very creepy, but however I no longer care about that, incidentally, I even do this often (unfortunately, it's a pity that is not always I am well understood, especially by women [lol])! Satisfied with what I found, I decided to settle me down around here, and I started a business of harvest and peddling of snails (look, other good example of forest riche: snails [lol]!), traversing the country from end to end. Well, this bussiness has his days: some days I sell many snails, other days I don't sell much... Do you not want to buy snails? Take advantage now, I do a discount for you! You there, you don't like snails? Come on, this snails are – cof, cof! – very tasty! >B-D
   Then, to enter in certain woods – sometimes to catch snails, other times to do the nature of the cal... Ehm, to do something necessary! – I found out I was not alone. No, it wasn't no pervert spying on me (lol!)... They were Forest Monsters! Yes, they were right!! >:-P

   … :\

   Yup? What is the doubt now? :S

   What?! Don't you know what are Forest Monsters!? Really?! It cannot be!! But how is this possible?! How you can be forest workers or simply interested in the forest without ever having heard in Forest Monsters?!? :O

   Hum... To tell the truth, it's natural that you do not know Forest Monsters.

   Unfortunately (or fortunately?), they are still unknown to most people! :(

   But don't worry, I explain what are Forest Monsters right now! >B-D
   Forest Monsters are fearsome creatures swarming by the woods of a bit by all over the country. Where and/or how these creatures appeared in certain sites? This still not clear. But that if they inhabit in certain forest areas, often, for some reason will be, you can be sure of that! And more: they came to stay! Unless resolved the situation that makes them to be where they are, they not only don't leave so early of the forests they call homelands, as they can be a big hassle for the unlucky of whom intersecting with them or have them as neighbors! They are in a forest near you, ready to attack you ... that is, to surprise you (and that surprise [lol])! Don't you believe in their existence? Do you think they are both myths, rumors or something coming from the delirious imagination of a college student who hasn't nothing else to do in his free time (lol!)? No! You are sadly mistaken! They exist, yes sir! There are reports of people who have had encounters (some of first grade – seriously! And look that's no joke!) with these scary creatures! >;-)

   How do I'm sure of what I'm writing? Guys, you are thinking I'm crazy, or even liar (I already warned that they exist, but it seems that still are somewhat skeptical!)? For your information, I dedicate my free time at silvidinozoology, my favorite activity. How? Don't you know what is silvidinozoology? Well, I should have foreseen this. Silvidinozoology is the science that studies Forest Monsters – science invented by me, to be recorded! For you are knowing that I am the best silvidinozoologist (ok, I confess: I also am the only for now, but I invite anyone who wants for be my colleague in this hobby!), I am the world expert in these creatures, given that I walked traveling by the woods from north to south (and also from east to west) of the country in search of those creatures (while I was catching and I was peddling snails [lol]!;) I had sucked the blood of my ear, I almost went hanged, etc... But it was worth it: all available silvidinozoological information was collected and can be found throughout this blog! In summary, in my humble opinion, I, Luchshiy Smeagov, or rather, Prof. Luchshiy Smeagov, am the SUPREME Florest Monsters expert! >B-D

   And... >:\

   No, I didn't hear that!! What did you say?! SMEAGOL?!? SME... STAB!!! Look, man, do you seeing this knife?! I already used this knife to kill brown bears in Siberia, my homeland!! The next time you call me Smeagol, or anyone of you, I paunch you like a bear, you heard?! My surname is Smeagov, don't Smeagol, I hate being called Smeagol!! X(

   Well, continuing... In this blog, you can access all information about each of the creatures studied by silvidinozoology (the reason by which this blog have been created): what they are, where they live, what is their food, what's their favorite TV show, why soccer club they twist, etc - all mostly written in the form of legend, of those that are collected in books. In principle, all the nights of Saturday to Sunday* I will post a new total information about a Forest Monster. Besides, now I propose to you the following: Why don't you raise the ass where you sit and do a safari? Yes, a silvidinozoological safari by public, private and community forests for you be face to face with these unbelievable creature. I know that dealing with them is far from a picnic, but don't fear: are also included in the file of each creature instructions and precautions that I give to you follow and, thus, you don't have any problem with any of them! You will see that, at study closely these fascinating creatures, you also will learn, and much, problems and dynamics of forest - Luchshiy Smeagov's word of honor, or rather, Prof. Luchshiy Smeagov's word of honor! ;)

   Again!? SMEAGOL?!? SME... STAB!!! PLEASE, don't call me Smeagol!! Sheesh, but will be so difficult pronounce Smeagov?! -.-'

   Anyway, do you want to find out about Forest Monsters? If so, I wish you a great and funny readings in this blog! See you later, my forest people! >;D

   * In the time zone of the Prime Meridian